Email to my love, October 3, 2004, 4 am
I may as well come right
to it. I awoke from a most distressing dream about you being dead and gone from
this plane of existence. And as I wandered around, alone on this planet all I
could think about was, I had lost my one and only true friend. The only and best
friend I ever had and I felt and still feel the residual of how very much I missed you, and how very much I miss you now as
I write this email to you. I know it’s not a good way to start off the
morning, especially with Elia coming, but maybe in a strange sort of way, you can share your grief over your loss of your
mother, she over her father and now me over this dream and how lonely life would be for me without you next to me. You are the only person I have ever truly loved and you are my only love.
I know you will feel the power of my heart ripped wide open now as I try to write these words to you through a tear
filled glaze. I had to stop at this last sentence to get more tissue. Regardless of how many times a day I tell you I love you, I will never express how much I love you and
how proud of you I am. You fill my life here and give me reason for being here. If I only came here for one person and one soul and that’s all it ever was,
then it was so worth it to recognize you when you strolled in my office with Jack Shaffer in your raccoon coat and spike heels
that first day and I am so complete knowing that the one person I came to Earth for was you, my dear wife and love. I will always remember your lithe body, naked in bed with me, on the beach or on the boat in Belize and I
will always be eternally in love with you. I live to serve you and I know how
much you will save this email and cherish it, even if you don’t die on me and Gabriella and we both live to be old and
decrepit and see our daughter grow into a woman. I wanted to get this to you
while I was still in the spirit of the dream and with my heart wide open. Love
like ours is exceedingly rare on this planet and every opportunity I have I want you know how much I love you.
Now I’ll try to go back to sleep for another hour of so before
descending back into the world of the real dead and dying here in Chicago.
Your husband, lover and mate, eternally